...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
