remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
