Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
