I want to stick my p in your. b.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
