I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
