you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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