we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
