dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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