I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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