I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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