kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
