: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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