the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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