she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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