Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
