Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
