i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
