I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
