after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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