You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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