remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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