What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
