He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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