Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
