I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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