Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
