i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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