i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
