Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
