Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
