He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
