trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize