That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
