I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
