the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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