OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
