Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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