yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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