Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
