Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize