Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
