so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
