We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize