FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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