I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
