your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize