every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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