3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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