I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
