my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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