I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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