She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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