so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
