I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
