i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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