youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
