your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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