I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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