Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
