I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
40s are totally the cure
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
