When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
