Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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