white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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