Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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