Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
