i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
