dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
