I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
