He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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