is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
