Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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