how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
