lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
