how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
