She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize